posted at: 00:09 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Sukhavati Ceremony for Kim Chowchuvech
The Philadelphia Shambhala Center is having a Buddhist ceremony for Kim this Friday at the Shambhala Center. It is a simple ceremony that is designed to help Kim in the transition to the next phase of his life. During the ceremony there is an opportunity for people who knew him to say something about him - either a story or a rememberance, etc. All of Kim's friends are welcome. Kim would really appreciate having all the people he knew meet one another.
Sukhavati Ceremony for Kim Chowchuvech
Friday, December 3rd, 7:30pm
Philadelphia Shambhala Center
2030 Sansom St., Philadelphia
posted at: 10:22 | path: | permanent link to this entry
The cremation will take place at Olivet Memorial Park (1601 Hillside Blvd, Colma) on Tuesday, November 30, at 1:00 PM.
posted at: 23:00 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Although Kim did not request this, his family is deeply indebted to the organizations that have helped him over this last year and would like to suggest that donations, in lieu of flowers, can also be made to the following organizations:
- Mission Hospice: a non-profit hospice program that is partially funded by private donations; the last few weeks of Kim’s life were greatly aided by this program which has perhaps the most caring, compassionate, and helpful staff that I’ve ever personally encountered. They provide services regardless of a person’s ability to pay and I was quite impressed with how efficiently the program was operated.
- Samaritan House Free Clinic: a free clinic that provides the uninsured with basic health care services and referrals to larger medical centers if needed. This organization relies entirely on private grants and donations.
- San Francisco Shambhala Center: the local chapter of Shambhala Buddhists that Kim was involved with during his time in California; SFSC members have been tremendously supportive to Kim and his family over this last year and were vital in the planning and implementation of Kim’s funeral arrangements.
- San Mateo Medical Center: a county hospital that serves primarily the uninsured and indigent; Kim received nearly all of his medical treatment from this facility that has extremely devoted workers (of the overworked and underpaid sort).
Any donations sent to the Kim’s paypal address (via the original "donation" button on this site) will be collected and split evenly between the aforementioned organizations.
posted at: 13:26 | path: | permanent link to this entry
After a year-long struggle against cancer, Paiboon "Kim" Chowchuvech, at the age of 58, quietly passed away at his sister's home in Daly City, California, at 9:45 PM (Pacific Time) on November 26, 2004.
A Sukhavati (ceremony) will be held at the San Francisco Shambhala Center (1630 Taraval Street, San Francisco, CA) at 7:00 PM on Monday, November 29th. A small gathering will be held afterward for family and friends to reminisce on their experiences with and memories of Kim. His body will be at the SFSC for three days prior to the Sukhavati (Saturday through Monday) and will be available for all to visit. Meditation practices will be held throughout the three days, but, regardless, all are welcome to visit to view Kim's body.
Kim's body will be cremated at Woodlawn Memorial Park (1000 El Camino Real, Colma, CA) on the morning Tuesday, November 30th. All are welcome to attend and a small ceremony may be held during the cremation. If interested in attending, please e-mail Bryn at chowchuv@yahoo.com for the exact time.
In accordance with his wishes, Kim's ashes will be scattered at the Rocky Mountain Shambhala Center in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado.
In lieu of flowers, Kim has requested that donations be made to:
1) The "Bryn Chowchuvech Medical School Fund": 261 Alta Vista Way, Daly City, CA 94014
and/or
2) Doctors Without Borders: http://www.doctorswithoutborders-usa.org/donate/
Any messages to the family may be sent to Kim's son, Bryn (chowchuv@yahoo.com), who will pass them on accordingly. I offer my sincere gratitude to all of Kim's friends who have supported him over this last year. The outpouring of care and love helped us all, especially Kim, through this difficult transitional period. Kim was blessed to have so many caring and sympathetic friends who made him feel loved and appreciated until his very last moments, truly a priceless gift for one to receive before passing on.
posted at: 10:02 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Dear Friends,
Sadly, Kim’s condition has suddenly and rapidly declined over this last week. He’s now on hospice care and it’s unlikely that he can make any more trips to the hospital for treatment. Kim has put up a valiant fight against the cancer over this last year and we are grateful for the extra time we’ve been given to share his company. He’s in little pain and spends most of his time sleeping now. I’ll keep everyone updated as the situation develops.
-Bryn
posted at: 09:18 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Hello Everyone,
I apologize for the long delay between updates. I started school again in August and have been overwhelmed with work ever since. Kim and his family would like to extend a heartfelt thanks to all who have written and visited recently. Kim loves hearing from his friends, so please keep it up!
Kim was still fighting off some sort of infection in his lungs as of a few months ago. His lungs now seem almost completely healed and he rarely needs extra oxygen. But his condition has become extremely fickle nowadays, shifting from states of vivacious mental and physical fortitude on one day to states of complete exhaustion on the next. Recently, he has been experiencing a sharp increase in pain, and, coupled with increased weakness, he has been stripped of his ability to walk. The pain is concentrated mainly in the joints of his arms and legs, making most sorts of movement extremely difficult for him. We've had to increase his pain medicine rather drastically to compensate for this new dilemma, so he has been more confused and has been having more hallucinations lately. Surprisingly, between the stints of delirium, he not only ostensibly functions at a normal intellectual level, but his wits seem to be even sharper than a few months ago (or even a few years ago!). He's come up with some very insightful jokes and observations lately, and he's still quite astute in a strange, deranged kind of way. He's been writing down his impulsive ruminations in a jumbled mess of loose, folded papers, as well as sketching some inventions that will purportedly both help mankind and make us a lot of money. He even came up with a fairly humorous anti-Bush political cartoon that he insisted I type up and send to various cartoonists (which I did) in hopes that it will help topple the despot.
Kim is still receiving weekly infusions of a chemotherapy drug called Erbitux. It hasn't had any obvious positive effects since he started the regimen, but, at this point, it's a good choice because of the relatively few negative side effects. In fact, he personally has experienced virtually no side effects with this drug so far. In actuality, it's the act of simply getting to the hospital every week that is becoming the problem. Because movement of any type has become so painful for him, even such mundane activities as getting out bed or getting into the car take a hefty toll on Kim's energy level and severely test his tolerance for pain. If his condition degrades much further, we may be forced to stop treatment and forego any more hospital visits unless absolutely necessary.
We're still battling the system over various issues concerning his Medi-CAL eligibility and benefits. Unfortunately, due to inane (but typical) governmental red tape, Medi-CAL will not pay for any home health care at this point, among other shortcomings. His insurance covers a bit, but not sufficiently so. If anyone has any insightful suggestions as to how to acquire low-cost (or ideally free or paid-for) home health care, please, please let me know!
That's all for now. Please continue to send your love and well-wishes towards Kim's way. I'll update everyone on any changes in Kim's condition and I'll see if he's up for dictating another letter for the blog.
posted at: 21:42 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Well Friends,
Here I am at the hospital for the 2nd time in three weeks, getting a blood transfusion. This time I’m not in such bad shape as three weeks ago. I’m recovering slowly. As you know, I have been going great gun, or so I thought, during the past month in the sense that I was able to sleep, eat, and function pretty well in spite of the immobility. Then I started running a fever three weeks ago. It turned out be pneumonia. At first, I did not understand the gravity of the situation until the doctor came in and asked me to consider whether I want to continue with fighting the pneumonia or end it now, as some people choose to do it in my situation. I was like, “Huh? No, no, no! I’m not ready to go yet! I still have too many loose ends to tie up.” The next thing I knew, I was wheeled to the ER with the nurse saying “big guns coming up.” For the following two weeks, all kinds of antibiotics, equivalent to atomic/napalm bombs, were dumped into my body. Unfortunately, hospital living is not conducive to rest or recovery either. This unpleasant experience convinced me that the next infection will be my last and I will not try to prolong the process, but rather let nature run its course.
My life during the past few months is a process of narrowing down of options in a series of “last experiences.” For example, my last unaided walking experience happened 2-3 months ago when my friend Dave Christy came to visit. My last “going to the movies” experience happened just before the pneumonia, since then my body can no longer handle the stress, nor the risk of exposure to germs.
I can see life as a highway that is infinitely wide and full of options at the beginning in which a person has the possibility to be anything imaginable. As time goes by, this highway narrows down as the options become more limited and as it becomes obvious whether the person is going to make a big impact, like Hitler or Einstein, or live a less-famous, but nevertheless, interesting life. At the end of the road, the options shut down to only a few.
Throughout my life, I have been blessed in the company of friends whom I can trust and feel comfortable with. I always feel at home no matter where I am or what circumstances I find myself in. This includes my high school and college friends in Thailand, friends at workplaces, friends at the meditation center, friends in the music scene, or friends in the “hanging-loose” scene. I want to thank you for making my life so rich and meaningful.
Note from Bryn:
Kim was discharged from the hospital about a week and a half ago. The chest tube was taken out and he was sent home with an oxygen machine and various antibiotics. Shortly after his return home, he started to experience extreme fatigue and increased difficulty breathing. He was brought back to the ER and was once again admitted to the hospital for a couple days. Tests showed that his lungs still have roughly the same amount of infiltrate in them as while he was in the hospital (meaning that they apparently haven’t healed much) and that he was very anemic. The anemia is due to a new development—internal bleeding in his GI tract. It is only moderate bleeding and the doctors would like to initially try to compensate for it with supplements/medicine and occasional blood transfusions. He got home yesterday and he’s feeling a bit better and has more energy, but he stills needs much time to recover.
posted at: 22:32 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Kim has hit another roadblock. He was feeling relatively quite well and his breathing was practically normal, but his chest x-ray stilled showed something in his lungs and he stilled needed oxygen (although much less than a few days ago). The doctor ordered a bronchoscopy and lung biopsy today to definitively determine what kind of bacteria are causing his ailments so that they could choose the correct treatments. Apparently, no infection was seen whatsoever in the lung and everything looked clear.
Shortly after the procedure, Kim developed very bad breathing problems. An air bubble formed in the lining of his lungs from the damage caused by the biopsy and it continues to grow. He will be heading to surgery shortly to have a chest tube put in order to deflate the air bubble and he will be placed in ICU after the procedure. Obviously this brings a host of new potential problems Kim has to face.
posted at: 22:11 | path: | permanent link to this entry
A short update on Kim’s condition:
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Kim has been in the hospital for nearly a week now. His overall condition has improved slightly and, aside from this morning, he hasn’t had a fever since he was first admitted. His breathing has also improved slightly. He’s still in rather poor condition, however. His breathing must still be facilitated by a high flow of oxygen and he is still extremely weak, sleeping for most of the day and having trouble summoning the energy to even sit up in bed to eat. The fever that reoccurred this morning likely came as a result of him being washed. The effort of leaving the warmth of his bed for 10 minutes and the shock of getting out of the shower was simply too much for him in his current condition.
The doctors have switched the antibiotics to see if others will be more effective. They still have not conclusively found the bacteria that are causing the pneumonia, so they’re using a sort of shotgun method with the antibiotics to try to cover every type of common, as well as some uncommon, pneumonia-causing bacteria. Because of the relatively poor efficacy of the previous antibiotics he was on, they think it might be a more uncommon strain that is causing Kim’s ailments. The good news is that he tested negative for TB.
posted at: 13:58 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Greetings everyone,
Sadly, Kim has fallen extremely ill. Early Saturday morning he was running a high fever and I took him to the ER. He was admitted shortly thereafter and has been in the hospital since. He has a severe case of pneumonia. He's in little pain, but his ability to breathe has drastically diminished. He is now dependent on a high flow of oxygen and may need to rely on a ventilator if he gets any worse. He's been receiving infusions of the strongest antibiotics several times a day. My brother and I are taking rounds at the hospital, and, between the two of us and the rest of the family, Kim has company 24 hours a day.
If all goes well, he may be able to leave the hospital in a week or two. Although I personally am quite optimistic about his ability to recover, please be aware that pneumonia is an often a deadly disease, especially to those with compromised immune systems, like Kim.
All cards/e-mails can be sent to my address and I will deliver them promptly to Kim. I'm afraid Kim can take no calls at the moment as he sleeps most of the day and must conserve his energy to fight the infection. I will post updates every couple of days on his condition. Please keep Kim in your thoughts and prayers.
Bryn
posted at: 22:24 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Kim recently finished the first round of his new chemotherapy regimen. The regimen calls for four weekly treatments of 5FU, leucovorin, and CPT-11 coupled with bimonthly infusions of Avastin, the newly-approved wonder drug considered to be one of the best of the new cancer treatments to emerge in the last few years. Kim’s oncologist had to pull some strings to get him the Avastin and thankfully he was successful in doing so.
A couple of weeks ago, Kim suffered a fall while getting off the scale at the hospital. X-rays show that he may have a small fracture in his pelvis as a result. Luckily, the area is not weight-bearing and it does seem to hinder Kim’s ability to walk, nor does it seem to cause him any pain.
Overall, Kim’s ability to walk has improved slightly over this last month. The numbness in his legs has all but disappeared. Ironically, while his legs have gotten considerably better, the compression fracture in his lower back has been getting worse and has become the primary limitation to his mobility. The muscles in his lower back get extremely fatigued from even short bouts of walking, as well as from prolonged periods of sitting upright. He now almost exclusively uses a wheelchair whenever he leaves the house, and usually just stays in bed while at home.
Needless to say, he’s been getting a *lot* of reading done lately. Some of his recent interests include Genghis Khan, John Lilly’s research, falconry, and cetaceans (especially dolphins). He’s working his way through practically an entire set of National Geographic since we found them for $.10 each at the local library. He has read well over 50 of them in this last month. He’s also been watching quite a few animal documentaries lately, as well. And he still watches the daily/nightly news so he can get riled and then later rant about Bush and his cronies.
Aside from his medical appointments, Kim has ventured outside of the house only a few times in the last month. A couple of days ago we went to see the movie about big-wave surfing called “Riding the Giants.” For some reason, although having never done it himself, Kim likes to watch surfing movies. He started with “Endless Summer” about a decade ago and has moved on to see many of the more recent ones, including “Billabong Odyssey,” “Step Into Liquid,” and now “Riding the Giants.”
Last week we drove over an hour to eat at a fancy steakhouse. Kobe beef, at up to $300/lb, is perhaps the most expensive and sought-after beef in the world. With daily anointments of sake, daily massages from their caretakers, and on tap beer in lieu of trough water, these cattle whose bodies are destined to become this coveted beef are treated like royalty until their slaughter. Purportedly, this treatment leads to meat that is unbelievably tender, marbleized, and “buttery.” Kim recently learned of an American version of Kobe beef (still given beer and from the same Wagyu stock of cattle, but less the daily massages and considerably cheaper) and a steakhouse nearby that serves it. After eating the steeply-priced steak, Kim simply described it as “good.”
Unfortunately, trips like these tend to take heavy tolls on Kim’s overall physical well-being since it’s so difficult for him to move around. He’s currently fighting an infection that he contracted sometime this week (undoubtedly from one of his forays out of the house) and he’s planning to limit any future outings solely to hospital visits.
posted at: 22:16 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Kim Chowchuvech
Dear Friends,
I am steady. There is no cure for stage IV cancer like I have. The chemotherapy and radiation treatments I have been getting will give me some time to stay alive, which they have so far been doing (they may even cause the cancer to go into remission). I have come to terms with my mortality and have accepted the fact that I will die some day. I've given up trying to change that fact and will not try to hang on when my time comes, so you can say that I am at peace. I also have a strong connection and love for my spiritual teacher, who has actual instruction for me to prepare for death (doing certain practices of visualization and meditation), so I am not exactly lost either. So don't you worry. I'm not. I'm in good hands. Sounds pretty damn ordinary doesn't it?
I also happen to have strong support, love, and help from my sister and my sons Bryn and Kyle, who all are staying with me. We went through some emotional cleansing these past few months, typical of any loving family when one member has a life-threatening situation. We are trying to cope as best we can, some times succumbing to stress but not giving up on each other -- bringing out and putting on the table past disappointments and blames that were buried and never came out in the open. Having unburied them, we feel closer now. Bryn revealed to me that the doctor initially had given me only a few weeks to months to live when I first went to the hospital at the beginning of this year, so I already got my reprieve by surviving up to this point.
So far, the hospital has been giving me adequate pain management and equipment to help me with my diminishing mobility. What it all means is that I will not be climbing the Appalachian mountains or walking in the Amazon again. My attention now needs to be on trying not to fall and hurt myself when going to the bathroom and taking a shower, and to keep from getting sick. I will try my best.
I hope the above will ease all of your concerns a little bit about me. When we wake up in the morning, we should turn on music, taste a bagel, look at a painting and enjoy the sensory perceptions that this world offers us -- they're all here just for the taking. It took the loss of some of these abilities to make me realize how precious these sensory perceptions are, and yet we take them all for granted. Instead we end up being mean to each other from the get go, causing so much unnecessary suffering first to ourselves and then to others. Just turn on the TV news and you will understand what I mean.
Here's a picture of two "real" Thai fighting fish. Ever since I came to this country, forty years ago, I've always been looking for these "real" Thai fighting fish. The kinds you see at the store called "Betas" are what people in Thailand call "Chinese Fighting Fish." They can't really fight because they're bred to have big fins that look pretty when they flare. Nowadays, there are people that breed the real kind in MN, but they're selling them for $40-$50 dollars a piece. But a month ago, I found these two selling for $3 a piece. You'll notice that they're fins are a lot smaller than the ones on the Betas in the store. Because of this, they can move quickly and when I was a kid we'd train these fish for fighting. If you leave two males in the same jar they would fight to the death. That's their nature. There are various ways people train them. There are fighting fish rings and people bet on them. Observe how these two flare their gills at each other.
posted at: 00:09 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Hello all,
I apologize for the long delay since the last update. I just finished finals last week so I have a bit more time now and I’m catching up on everything I’ve fallen behind in, including the blog updates.
Kim finished his original chemotherapy protocol about two months ago and took a break for about a month before starting a new one. He was feeling relatively well during this hiatus and was acting nearly like his old self. We were going out (beaches, SF zoo, parks, etc.) as much as his health would permit. His good friend Dave even came from PA for a few days and stayed with us, which was quite a treat for Kim.
He started a new round of chemotherapy about five weeks ago. The new protocol calls for a reduced dosage of just Taxol (rather than Taxol & Carboplatin) every week (rather than every three weeks) for approximately six months. Kim has experienced virtually no side effects under this new protocol. He’s even starting to grow his hair back! And the constant, dull pain he used to feel in both his lower back and hip have gone away completely.
The first hints of trouble started perhaps three weeks ago with an infection, likely due to a bout of prolonged constipation. I had to take him to the ER and we stayed for the entire day while a variety of tests were done. In the hospital, his fever broke and later that night he felt well enough to go home. A minor fever and general dis-ease ensued for several days thereafter, but he fought off the infection completely and now we carefully monitor his bowel movements.
Unfortunately, Kim presently has other serious hurdles to overcome. About two weeks ago he started experiencing significant numbness and weakness in his legs. At first we thought it was a side effect from his chemotherapy, as he’s commonly experienced similar post-treatment effects in the past. But his condition progressively degenerated over the following few days, so we spoke with both his oncologist and radiation oncologist. Initial x-rays showed a compression fracture in a thoracic (mid-back) vertebra, which was a possible source of tension on the spinal cord. This also could have allowed cancerous cells to leak out of that vertebra and press against the spinal cord, consequently leading to inflammation, another potential source of pressure on the spinal cord. The pressure on the spinal cord is likely the cause of the numbness and weakness.
Upon learning this information, Kim immediately started daily radiation therapy in the area of the compression fracture (T7 specifically) along with oral steroid pills in attempts to quell any inflammation around his spinal cord. His condition seemed to improve only slightly from these treatments.
He had an MRI done today on his lumbar and thoracic spine, which was quite a feat of willpower and physiological wonder on his part. Those of you that know Kim well should know that he’s had a consistent, lifelong problem with excessive urination. To Kim’s constant ire, it would not be uncommon for him to have to urinate every 20-30 minutes throughout the entire day. This particular scan required him to lay completely still on a hard plastic mat within the machine for approximately two and a half hours straight. During his last MRI (which was only an hour long in comparison) he felt the urge halfway through and was in near tears when the procedure was done from trying to hold his bladder in check. He described it as “the most difficult and painful event in [his] entire life”, or something along those lines. To our utter amazement, he held his bladder the full two and half hours while lying completely still, though he did suffer from a painful cramp in his shoulder that lasted throughout the entire scan. His secret, apparently, was “dharma sagara guru yoga”, a type of meditation that I know little about but would like to learn before next semester’s finals as it ostensibly makes one impervious to pain.
After the MRI we saw his oncologist and got the results of the scan, which were quite sobering. Not only does Kim have a thoracic vertebral compression fracture, but also a significant compression fracture in his lumbar spine (L3). Moreover, the scan revealed a number of “soft tissues” (almost definitely cancerous masses) distributed throughout his spinal canal, which are pushing against the dura mater (lining) of his spinal cord causing inflammation.
A number of interventions and tests are slated for the immediate future: a neurosurgeon is being contacted to see if the lumbar vertebra can be repaired or stabilized; the radiation treatment will likely be extended to include several other parts of his spine, rather than just the T7 area; he’ll be getting a MRI done on his cervical vertebrae (neck) next Monday to see if the cancer has spread into that area as well; and a change of chemotherapy drugs may be in order. There are also some indications that his brain (cerebellum) may be involved, so he’ll be getting a CT scan next Wednesday to determine if the cancer has spread there.
Due to the weakness in his legs, his problems maintaining balance, and his collapsing vertebrae, Kim now uses a walker to get around and must try to avoid engaging excessively in activities requiring an erect posture (walking, sitting upright, etc.) in order to reduce the strain on his back until the doctors determine a course of action. He suffered from a fall whilst getting out of the bathtub last week but luckily avoided hitting his head. We have since outfitted the bathroom to be more Kim-friendly to avoid any such occurrences in the future. He’s still in relatively good spirits and we’re all still hopeful that Kim can overcome these recent tribulations. Although quite incapacitating, these problems, save for the cancer in his spinal canal, are likely not life-threatening. As far as the tumors, hopefully they can be controlled with radiation therapy and perhaps stronger chemotherapy.
Please continue to send your good wishes and love to Kim. Although he cannot respond to most of the correspondence he receives, he does read everything sent to him and it invariably helps boost his morale. I believe Kim would like to dictate another blog update soon, so be sure to check the blog periodically. Thank you all for your continued support!
Kim and myself in the backyard garden of my aunt's (Kim's sister) house.
posted at: 22:27 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Kyle Chowchuvech
Hello everyone, Kyle again, wish I had been able to write sooner, but I have been busy trying to get out of Iraq for the past few weeks, so haven't had access to email, but the good news is, I'm finally home! I would like to thank everyone involved with the benefit concert and auction from the bottom of my heart, the turnout was awesome, it really blew me away! From Steve who organized the whole thing, to all the bands, DJ's, contributors to the auction, people who helped with other things, and all the people who came to the show, the support has been really overwhelming! I sure wish I had been able to see it, sounded like a lot of fun, as well as for a good cause. Truly, the support we have gotten from Kim's friends from all walks of life, as well as family, has been astounding, and has helped immensely, Kim has more people caring for him and wishing him well than I can imagine, it is truly wonderful. Besides more 'recent' friends from Philly, my Dad has gotten calls and help from old friends in Thailand that he hasn't seen for 30 years or more! Kim, Bryn, and I, as well as Kim's entire family really appreciate the support, generosity, and the caring that you all have shown, its really heartwarming. With your help, we can hopefully beat this thing, I know my Dad's outlook is hopeful (yet realistic) and we are all trying to keep a positive attitude. As my Dad has said, it is better to cherish what we have had, and continue to have, rather than lament what we may lose. As soon as I get out of the Army (a few more months) I plan to move to San Francisco to be with my Dad and help take care of him. Besides helping my brother Bryn, who has had a huge responsibility placed on him, I really want to spend some time with my Dad, come what may. Bryn has been doing an absolutely phenomenal job out there, coordinating Kim's care, doctors visits, etc., as well as balancing school and the rest of his life. Once again, I send my deepest appreciation for all the support, monetary, spiritual, and effort wise, that everyone has put in trying to help my Dad, very best wishes to everyone, Kyle
posted at: 10:57 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Kim
Date: March 25, 2004
Dear Friends,
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to thank all of you again for what you have done for me during the past month. The people who organized the concert/auction, the musicians, the people who donated their services for the concert/auction, friends that sent money to help with my medical costs and friends who have dropped me notes to keep my spirits up. All the health care professionals (both conventional and alternative) say the same thing -- that in my case 60% of the healing process is mind over matter. More than half of the battle is won by keeping my spirits up, which is what you have done for me. My blood tests in between chemo treatments actually show signs of regenerating, which the doctor tells me is a very good sign, although it is too early to tell. Also, in between chemotherapy, I do feel energetic, as if the life force has come back (knock on wood).
On my good days, meaning at least a week after a chemo treatment (I get chemo every three weeks), I can actually take walks, read, watch television, whistle, and look at the sunshine, which is quite a treat. For me, this is a big deal. It's not so much that I do these things, but rather it's that I have the desire to do them, which is so neat. When you are healthy, you tend to take the desire to do these things for granted. An old relative of mine had told me that as long as a person has good health, something to eat, and a roof under which to sleep, he/she has no reason to complain.
The bad days, which usually last the week after a chemo treatment, suck: throwing up, bone pains, can't take food/medicine in, no sleep, the whole nine yards. I try to not think about the next one that's coming up, but I also have to remind myself that I'm not the only one who has to go through these things. So many friends have written to me who have or have had cancer themselves which I did not know about. Even the doctor that is treating me is having some sort of degenerative muscle disease like MS, although I did not ask him what it is.
These days, my day is very simple, especially since my son and sisters have taken over all the mundane chores, such as paying bills, cooking, laundry, etc. I don't like to think that I am in a battle or fight with cancer. I rather think that my body has a life-threatening disease and I have no choice but to follow the advice of the experts in this condition. In my case, these experts happen to be four or five experts from different traditions, and I guess my rationale is that I am hoping one of these experts may actually hit the nail on the head. Four days out of the week I would be either seeing the conventional doctor, the acupuncturist/Chinese herbalist, the Qi Gong practitioner, or the Naturopathic/Homeopathic doctor. These people are spread out all over, so by the time I come home there isn't that much time left to do the Qi Gong exercises, keep track of all the various medicines, boil the Chinese herbs, etc. One of these medicines is a very expensive mushroom called "Mushroom of the Emperor" that I have to force myself to gulp down twice a day.
For those of you who are insomniacs, I found that my combination of 50mg diphenhydramine plus 7 tabs of 3mg melatonin gives me deep sleep through the night with vivid dreams and no side effects in the morning.
To keep this message from getting too boring, here are my favorite movies:
1) The top three: Rock and Roll High School, Heart Like a Wheel, and Ruby in Paradise
2) Honorable mention... High Tide, My Brilliant Career, The Year My Voice Broke, Bicycle Thief, Blade Runner, Winters of Our Dreams, Brazil, Splendor in the Grass, Stand By Me, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Walkabout, The Road Warrior, Terminator (1st one only), Star Wars (1st one only).
I believe you can deduce my natural proclivity by gleaning this list of favorite movies.
Love,
Kim
posted at: 00:32 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Bryn Chowchuvech
Date: March 02, 2004
Hello Everyone,
Kim finished his second round of chemotherapy nearly two weeks ago. While with his first bout of chemo he suffered a mild case of the hiccups for a night and slight nausea for a few days, this time he experienced more serious side effects. For over a week he felt severe body aches (mainly in his bones), general discomfort throughout his body, and extreme fatigue and nausea. He spent most of each day in bed for that entire week. The good news is that the blood test done prior to that treatment showed that the decline of red/white blood cells in his body is slowing, meaning that his red/white blood cell production is better than it has been for a long while and he'll need fewer blood transfusions in the immediate future. He is still somewhat anemic, but not nearly as bad as a month ago.
Luckily, most of his post-chemo symptoms have disappeared by now and he has felt quite well within the last few days, despite a persistent feeling of nausea (which needs to be controlled with numerous medications). In fact, he has had more energy and less pain in the last few days than perhaps at any time during the last few months. We went for a walk in a local park for an hour yesterday, and half an hour the day before. The fresh air seems to do him good and I'm glad he has the energy and willpower to leave the house now. He has started to gain an interest in sports and movies again, and is slowly getting his voracious appetite and love for food back, although at times he has trouble holding down what he eats. Every week I get him one of his favorite dishes from Thailand called 'boat noodles', a noodle soup filled with various types of meat and only originally available in a certain province in Thailand through boat vendors, or so the story goes.
Kim (right), his sister (Suchitra), and brother-in-law (Clifford) on a hike yesterday.
Kim is scheduled for another round of chemo next week, and has one more after that before he undergoes a series of tests to judge the efficacy of the treatment. We've decided to stay with the San Mateo County hospital until the diagnostic tests are finished, and then reevaluate his treatment options. Under the County program, his treatment and medication costs are nearly completely covered. Should we decide to pursue treatment at UCSF or Stanford again, we'd have to rely on his bare-bones Blue Cross plan, which covers very little. We're keeping the option open, as there may be second-line clinical studies that he may still be eligible for at the university hospitals.
Kim is also benefiting from a number of different alternative therapies, including Qi Jong (compliments of a friend from Shambhala), Chinese herbalism, and naturopathy. I'm sure all are playing a part in his recovery.
I'd like to thank all of Kim's friends for their continued support. The love coming from all of you has made a dramatic mark on his disposition and the knowledge that so many people out there care about him has brought him great comfort. He has read every letter and e-mail that has been sent to him, and each one has made an impact. I'd encourage everyone to attend the benefit concert if they can as it provides a chance to connect with Kim's friends from his other walks of life.
Best wishes to all from Kim and family...
Sincerely,
Bryn Chowchuvech
Kim's Son
posted at: 10:17 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Open letter dictated to Bryn Chowchuvech
From: Kim Chowchuvech
Date: February 11, 2004
Friends,
I apologize for not being able to answer the e-mail and letters from my friends individually. Each and every one of them lifts my spirits when I know that so many friends out there are rooting for me. Right now I'm just out of the initial one-month whirlwind-phase in which I was casting about for information. When it started, none of us knew anything about cancer. And since I had been so strong, I hadn't taken any preparations for healthcare. So for a month I basically went to three hospitals and a few alternative care therapies, and tons and tons of tests: scans, x-rays, etc. on almost a daily basis. It was fortunate that my older son, Kyle, was given a 3 weeks leave from Iraq so he could come and help. Together with my younger son, Bryn, and my sisters, they were able to keep track of what was going on. I just followed and let them lead me. I could not keep track of the medicine and what needed to be done, the tremendous amount of red tape at the social service, hospitals, etc. It was a month of visitors: my son's wife from New Zealand stayed for a few weeks, as well as my ex-wife.
Now that casting about phase is done with and I now know that clinical trials at the leading hospitals, such as UCSF and Stanford, is not available for a later stage cancer with an unknown source like mine. In this case, I’ll simply stick with the County Hospital. Therefore, the financial burden is not acute because I was able to get into a program for people without insurance. However, there are still expenses for alternative treatment; one of which I'm going to start in a few days which consists of moving my own energy, or Qi Gong, to cure myself. We'll see! During that month of casting about, since people were just testing, my energy was really low culminating in one scare a couple of weeks ago when the hospital called me in for an all-night blood transfusion when they found that my red blood cell count was only 25% of normal. I'll tell you, since I survived my MRI experience, I'll probably survive anything. I did not know that my MRI was going to take an hour. So once they pushed me into that tunnel, I was feeling okay in the beginning, but that's when my bladder decided to fill up fast. So at the 45-minute mark I could barely hold it in any more and I was shouting but no one heard me. Finally, when they slipped me out they told me I could not move and I had to wait for 15 more minutes and then they would fetch a urinal for me. But the clincher is when the guy told me “no matter what happens, don't let go because you have millions of dollars worth of electric equipment underneath you.” That was one of the longest 15-minutes of my life in which I had to summon all my strength of will to not cause millions of dollars worth of damage.
I am very touched by the support and help from friends: people from the Shambhala Center who sent me cards and practice materials, my friends from the music scene who set up a donation site to help with my medical costs and the benefit concert and silent auction (to take place in early March; those friends in Philly should check out www.zonicshockum.com/kim/ for info), a friend who offered me free ayahuasca healing with the shamans in the Amazon, and friends from the engineering profession who either helped financially or sent word of support . I accept all of your generosity with deep gratitude. Not only that, in the past month I've also had so much help and support from strangers-- people I don't even know, from the only oncologist at the County hospital who works from 7am to midnight non-stop 7 days a week, to the people who gave me a free hospital bed which I'm lying on right now. One thing I know for sure is that if I survive this thing, I'll definitely be a better person, having seen the face of suffering that I've never been aware of before because I've been so strong all my life. I have nothing but humility and gratitude for both my fellow sufferers that suffer more that I do under worse circumstances, to all the people who ease their pain. If I survive this thing I'd like to dedicate whatever remainder of life I have to helping my fellow human beings also.
I started my first chemotherapy ten days ago and I went from being nauseated (but I haven’ t lost any hair yet) and very uncomfortable to now just having low energy. I have no choice but to not go too far ahead of myself and just focus on what I have to do at the moment, like keeping from getting infections and sick because the chemotherapy really lowers my immune system. On a low energy day, any kind of long formal practice is difficult and I have to rely on resting into the naked now and let go. But I've found dharma sagara guru yoga to be a short, no-frill practice that suits my physical condition at the moment, including listening to the tape of Sadhama of Mahamudra.
I've always told friends in the past that when things get ugly to imagine that if a doctor told them that they only have one month to live, would they still be upset about the same thing? And that's what I always say to myself to find out what the bottom line is. Now I'm there in actuality. I found that the bottom line for me, the only thing that ultimately matters, is the quality of love, trust and respect that I share with the people in my world. That's why all of your concern on my behalf for the past month has touched me so deeply.
Love, Kim
Feel free to pass this letter around since I don’t have an e-mail list
posted at: 10:54 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Kim's Association with the Shambhala Meditation Center
From: Dave Christy
Date: February 10, 2004
Kim has been associated with the Philadelphia Shambhala Center for at least 20 years. In that time he's held a wide variety of jobs and has always been willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done from the smallest, most menial task all the way up to leading a large group of people. His steady and unwavering committment to serving others and learning about himself is truly inspiring.
In addition to many administrative hats Kim wore while at the Shambhala Center, he devoted a lot of his time practicing, studying and teaching Buddhism. Since Kim has moved to the west coast a lot of his time has been spent taking care of his parents and he has brought his usual good-hearted and steadfast style to serving his family.
The Philadelphia Shambhala Meditation Center is located at 2030 Sansom St. in Philadelphia. For more information please see their website at www.philashambhala.org. You can also email them at info@philashambhala.org.
Take care,
Dave Christy
posted at: 16:42 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Kyle Chowchuvech
Date: February 9, 2004
Hello everyone, once again, thanks for the enormous amount of support we have received for my Dad, it is really heartwarming, and Kim, and his entire family, are grateful beyond words. The number of contributors to the silent auction, musicians and DJ's, as well as individuals who have donated to my Dad's cause has become too long to list, but thanks to all for the wonderful support. Unfortunately, I am back in Iraq at the moment, but I hope to be back in the states in April, and out fo the Army and at my Dad's side by early June. It was wonderful seeing my Dad again, and come what may, I am very happy I got to see him again, even if it was for a short while. As for my Dad's condition, here's the latest...
Kim started chemo on the 29th of January, the Doctors still have not pinpointed the original tumor, but are giving an aggresive medication for adenocarcinoma (Taxol and Carboplatin). Kim had to get 4 unit of blood (about 1200ml, a LOT) just before the infusion, as he was severely anemic, and very weak. Since the infusion, he has been doing quite a bit better, hopefully we will not have to do that too often. The first several days after chemotherapy were miserable, nausea, etc, but he has progressively felt better since then. Of course, we will really not know how the chemo is affecting the cancer until the Doctors do the full round of tests after the first round of treatment (3 months from now) but at the very least, Kim is feeling much better, stronger, less nauseous, etc, although he still has constant, low level pain. Kim will be going in every week for the forseeable future to get medication that promotes red blood cell production, and every 3 weeks he will be getting chemo medication as well as a bone strengthening medication, as fractures are a big worry, due to the proliferation of cancer cells throughout his bone marrow. Kim is also going to try a few alternative approaches, he is still taking some herbal remedies, and is soon going to try "energy treatment", based on moving around "Chi" to help fight the cancer. After the initial confusion, and scrambling around trying to arrange second opinions, set up treatment, etc, things have calmed down quite a bit, which has also likely helped my Dad's mental state and boosted his energy, as we don't have to haul him all over the county to do tests and fill out paperwork anymore. Well, for now, thats about it, Kim is feeling well, which counts for quite a lot, and as always, the support and love of his friends continues to boost his spirits. Thanks for all the help, and best wishes from Kim and all of his Family.
Kyle
9 Feb 04 (From Iraq)
posted at: 13:13 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Kyle
Date: January 22, 2004
Hello to all of Kim's friend's again, Kyle (His son) here again. I would like to once again thank everyone for their generosity (We have received several generous donations), their concern, and their efforts on his behalf. I would like to thank Steve Anderson for all of his hard work setting up this website and organizing the benefit concert, as well as The Heroics, Art Difuria, Zonic Shockum and Steve Pheonix for playing at the concert, your support is greatly appreciated, and really boosts my Dad's morale, which is one of the most important things right now. No real substantial updates on his condition, but here's what we have the last few days:
1) Kim is continuing to feel OK, he has been pretty energetic and excited, mainly, I think, because he has so many family and friends around him all the time. He has bad days, but most days he acts almost like his old self.
2) He is continuing naturopathic treatment, he has gotten several more herbal remedies.
3) Thursday the 22nd he will be starting medicines to help strengthen his bones, which is the main worry right now.
4) For now, we are forgoing radiation therapy as the cancer has spread into too many bones for it to be feasable.
5) A colonoscopy and endoscopy of the upper GI tract failed to reveal any primary tumors, leading doctors to beleive the primary tumor is not in the GI tract or colon.
6) We will be starting chemotherapy next week, and will reach a decision where he will be treated next week as well. We may still get into a clinical trial at Stanford, but most likely we will be sending Kim to UCSF for treatment.
Well, that's about it for now, like I said, Kim's morale is high right now, and he is feeling decent most days. We all appreciate the support everyone has given, Kim's friends and family give him the most hope right now.
Kyle
posted at: 14:53 | path: | permanent link to this entry
A short update on Kim's condition
From: Kyle
Date: January 17th, 2004
Hello to all of Kim's Friends and Loved ones, this is Kyle, his eldest son, writing on his behalf, as he is currently too tired and run down to be able to write to all of his friends. I would like to thank everyone for the support and concern you have shown, it is very heartwarming, and I know it helps my Dad's state of mind. I know he would like to write, and talk to all of his friends, but he just doesn't have the energy. Know that he thinks of all his friends often, with love and happiness. As most people that knew my dad well would expect, he has come to terms with his condition, and is not afraid of what might come. Kim has led a very full life, has made wonderful friends, and has a family who loves him dearly, and, rather than wish for what might have been, he instead cherishes what he has, and the life he has led. Kim wants everyone to remember and cherish their friendships with him as well, rather than feel sad about his condition. Consider this a celebration of friendship, rather than a cause of sadness. He, and his entire family, are doing everything we can to get him the best possible care, and although we have hope, we all understand that there is a very real possibility that he will not get better. Thankfully, I was able to get about 3 weeks off from work to come back and be with my Dad, I wish I was able to just quit my job, and spend all my time with him, but unfortunately, that will not be possible for another 3 months or so. As of Saturday, he is still feeling tolerable, tired and a bit nauseous, there is still some pain, but his pain medication has made things much better. Here is how he is doing, and how his care is progressing...
1) Chemotherapy has been postponed pending the decision whether or not to operate on the tumor in his colon. We are also still hoping to get him into a clinical trial at Stanford, which would require that he not have had chemotherapy previously. However, one way or another, we expect to start chemo later this week, whether at Stanford, UCSF, or the county hospital.
2) The results of the bone scan indicate that the cancer has spread to the weight bearing parts of his bones, and the lining of his belly.
3) Today, the 17th, he went in for additional X-Rays, and he is scheduled for an MRI the 21st. He will get radiation therapy at certain sites to try and prevent bone fractures.
4) A colonoscopy will be performed Tuesday, which is necessary for basically all follow on treatment.
5) On Friday, we went to a naturopathic doctor, who prescribed several herbal medicines, as well as hydrotherapy, which involves alternately heating and chilling the body. We have also gotten some Chinese mushrooms that are supposed to help with cancer. We are going to see the naturopathic doctor again on Wednesday.
6) Unfortunately, there are no clinical trials available at UCSF that would apply to my Dad, we are still hoping that we will be able to get him in to a clinical trial at Stanford, we should know by next Tuesday, or Wednesday at the latest.
7) In addition to conventional medicine, Kim is trying, and is willing to try, just about any other alternative treatment, including Chinese medicinal mushrooms and reading religious texts, such as the Falon Gong. If anyone has any material (books, herbs, etc.) or any suggestions, they would be appreciated.
Kim would like to thank everyone for the effort put into the upcoming benefit concert, though he cannot be there in person, he will be there in spirit. I will try and update everyone as the situation progresses. Thanks to everyone again for your concern and support, Kim wishes everyone the best, and sends his regards.
If anyone has questions, please email Bryn at: chowchuv@yahoo.com Kim is pretty tired most of the time, and cannot read all his emails and respond on a regular basis, only when he is feeling well.
posted at: 22:16 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: Stephen Anderson
Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2004
I spoke to Kim. The cancer he has is Stage IV (or Dukes stage D) Adenocarcinoma Cancer of the Colon. It is not bone cancer, though the cancer is in his bone marrow. His son and sister are working hard to get him into an experimental program at possibly Stanford, or UCSF.
He is very happy to hear that his friends are organizing an event for him.
We are close to securing a venue and date, but still need bands who can bring the people in.
I will send out an announcement in the next day or two with an update on this event, and requests for assistance.
Thanks,
Steve
posted at: 23:27 | path: | permanent link to this entry
From: "Hugh Hegarty"
I spoke to Kim tonight.
The prognosis is not good. It sounds like they caught it very late and it is just a matter of time. He was in a lot of pain initially but now they have him on a morphine patch and it allows him to sleep through the night. His energy level is very low but his spirit is good. He has a strong spiritual base and he says he is at peace and he is ready for this which we must all face. He said he has not given up hope but he is very realistic about his chances. The toughest thing is for his sons Bryn and Kyle. Bryn is with him but Kyle is stationed in Iraq and trying to get home for a two week leave.
Kim says his limited insurance will cover basic things if he pays $3500. However it does not cover his medication which i'm sure can be very costly.
All of us who love Kim should definitely try to do something to help out. The most obvious solution would be to use the thing that Kim loved (punk rock music) to help out. We should try to do some sort of benefit show to raise money to help out with his medication costs.
Any ideas about venue and whatnot would be very appreciated.
Kim sends his love to all.
Hugh
From: Debbie P. Anderson
Hey everybody,
Just got a call from Kim Chowchuvech in California. Unfortunately the
news isn't good.
He called to inform me he has just been diagnosed with bone cancer.
He was having some pain in his back and since he doesn't have any
health insurance he put off going to the doctors . Then he decide to
bite the bullet so to speak, and pay cash. They put him on
anti-inflammatory med., for the aches and pains he was having. The
pain didn't go away. Then they said it was some kind of blood poison.
He went to the Good Samaritan hospital which is a hospital that will
take care of you for free. They diagnosed him with the cancer and are
moving quickly with other tests. He told me he had tears in his eyes
leaving there cause he felt someone was finally taking him under
their wing.
Kim wanted me to let all the "east coast punk rockers/scene-sters"
know and gave me his email address: p.chowchuvech@comcast.net
After all the support he has given us, musically and spiritually, it
would be nice if we could help him at this time. Please try and cheer
him up with a letter, photo, or words of encouragement. Steve is
trying to figure out some way to raise money for him, since he has no
insurance and no income. He retired when he moved to California. Let
us know if you have any ideas of how to raise a little cash for Kim.
We will let you know if we figure anything out. Otherwise, I'm sure
he would love to hear from all of you. Give him a e-buzz.
Until then,
PS. I don't have a big email address book, so if you know anyone who
knows Kim, please forward this letter to them.
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2004
posted at: 21:24 | path: | permanent link to this entry
Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004
Debbie
posted at: 12:19 | path: | permanent link to this entry