From: Kim
Date: March 25, 2004
Dear Friends,
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to thank all of you again for what you have done for me during the past month. The people who organized the concert/auction, the musicians, the people who donated their services for the concert/auction, friends that sent money to help with my medical costs and friends who have dropped me notes to keep my spirits up. All the health care professionals (both conventional and alternative) say the same thing -- that in my case 60% of the healing process is mind over matter. More than half of the battle is won by keeping my spirits up, which is what you have done for me. My blood tests in between chemo treatments actually show signs of regenerating, which the doctor tells me is a very good sign, although it is too early to tell. Also, in between chemotherapy, I do feel energetic, as if the life force has come back (knock on wood).
On my good days, meaning at least a week after a chemo treatment (I get chemo every three weeks), I can actually take walks, read, watch television, whistle, and look at the sunshine, which is quite a treat. For me, this is a big deal. It's not so much that I do these things, but rather it's that I have the desire to do them, which is so neat. When you are healthy, you tend to take the desire to do these things for granted. An old relative of mine had told me that as long as a person has good health, something to eat, and a roof under which to sleep, he/she has no reason to complain.
The bad days, which usually last the week after a chemo treatment, suck: throwing up, bone pains, can't take food/medicine in, no sleep, the whole nine yards. I try to not think about the next one that's coming up, but I also have to remind myself that I'm not the only one who has to go through these things. So many friends have written to me who have or have had cancer themselves which I did not know about. Even the doctor that is treating me is having some sort of degenerative muscle disease like MS, although I did not ask him what it is.
These days, my day is very simple, especially since my son and sisters have taken over all the mundane chores, such as paying bills, cooking, laundry, etc. I don't like to think that I am in a battle or fight with cancer. I rather think that my body has a life-threatening disease and I have no choice but to follow the advice of the experts in this condition. In my case, these experts happen to be four or five experts from different traditions, and I guess my rationale is that I am hoping one of these experts may actually hit the nail on the head. Four days out of the week I would be either seeing the conventional doctor, the acupuncturist/Chinese herbalist, the Qi Gong practitioner, or the Naturopathic/Homeopathic doctor. These people are spread out all over, so by the time I come home there isn't that much time left to do the Qi Gong exercises, keep track of all the various medicines, boil the Chinese herbs, etc. One of these medicines is a very expensive mushroom called "Mushroom of the Emperor" that I have to force myself to gulp down twice a day.
For those of you who are insomniacs, I found that my combination of 50mg diphenhydramine plus 7 tabs of 3mg melatonin gives me deep sleep through the night with vivid dreams and no side effects in the morning.
To keep this message from getting too boring, here are my favorite movies:
1) The top three: Rock and Roll High School, Heart Like a Wheel, and Ruby in Paradise
2) Honorable mention... High Tide, My Brilliant Career, The Year My Voice Broke, Bicycle Thief, Blade Runner, Winters of Our Dreams, Brazil, Splendor in the Grass, Stand By Me, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Walkabout, The Road Warrior, Terminator (1st one only), Star Wars (1st one only).
I believe you can deduce my natural proclivity by gleaning this list of favorite movies.
Love,
Kim
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